Sitting on a park bench.. thinking about a friend of mine.. He was only 23... Gone before he had his time (In This Life, Madonna, Erotica Album, 1992) I really be emotional everythime I listen this song... Today I believe people just forget the fear and the bad things about AIDS... December, 1st  is the World Aids Day, so I downloaded this amazing advertising pictures from a france ONG link and I read about AIDS advertising it in the www.worldaidscampaign.org site. Let´s still protect ourselves...

Everything is ok when the day passed way... TODAY WAS A NEW DAY... I understand now... everything really change and we´re so selfish to dont know it... every day is a new life... a new way... We never can do things without thinking deply about the action that you do in the moment when you´re upset or blue. Today... I have new problems with my new car... a guy from the Gas Station filled my car with alchool... and my car just accept gas, another time, a policeman stopped my car saying that I was irregular because it was without plate. I was so nervous cause I believe that he stopped me looking for a way to get some money for Christimas, I 100% sure that everything was ok... so... I was extremaly unfriendly... but everythings gets well... Ivan just saved me, talking in a better mood with him. I understood that everything happens...: HAPPINESS DOESNT EXISTS IN THIS LIFE... WE JUST LOOK FOR A WAY TO FORGET OUR SADNESS WITH THE MATERIAL THINGS... BUT IT DOESNT MATTER... EVERYONE ARE UNHAPPY AND OUR LIFE IS SHORT, SO  WE´VE TO LIVE EVERYDAY... LIKE THE LAST DAY... WORKING AND TRYING NOT TO BE CONFORTABLE WITH THIS LIFE CAUSE EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE, AFTER ALL, WE´RE LITTLE ANTS KEEPING OUR ORDINARY AND EXTRAORDINARY LIFE.

17 days for my 28 y old !!!

Today something bad happened... I got my new car but I already scratch it a lot of places in the driver door... I tried to out of my building´s garage and I didnt turn right ! So, I was very sad... and I cried cause I´was very upset for it... My car is brand new... hey... I dont have regularize the plate yet... my car dont have a plate but has scratchs already... buá buá... I cried loud... but after all.  I thought... Hey, it´s your first car... dont´be sad Cristiano... You never had the opportunity for take care of a car before... your daddy never teach you anything... you never had self-confidence cultivate for your parents... you never had support for anything... so I´ve a new car with new scratch.. so what ? It still a new car... and I´m not gonna kill myself for this little thing... I´ve to control myself...  be strong for work and pay the bills... 

Today I went to "SAM´S CLUB"... A new market opened today in Goiânia... It´s a nice place. I did my Sam´s Club Card and I bought a lot of futilities... so I´ve to do it cause I already paid all year... so let´s enjoy it... I´m gonna to pray this night... for good times... I sure everything is gonna be ok.

New times are comming... Today is gonna be a unforgetten day for my new world... I´m really excited about my new car possibility... Its a kind of scare about the new responsability and informations... because people dont like when you became a champion with your new home and car... I´ve seen that some guys became sad and upset when they known about a good thing that happen with us... Sometimes, I think that the people is thinking "Awful faggot... How is possible, he do it and I´m not"... but it´s ok.. Why people reaction like that? I can tell you: the human nature, so it´s a new way to improve the real friends... just look to their faces and commentaries... and you can see it ! But it´s a big step and I can turn around anymore... Day is just beginning... and my bank account is in a black situation... so let´s fight without crying... We only just began... to flight... so far away from here... (like Carpenter song)

Today, I bought my first car ! It´s a new one Fiesta Hatch ! I´m really glad and thankful for this opportuniy... I´m became a adult... and responsable guy... I´m finally has one car... do you known what is it for a very poor guy who has been working since 13? Waw ! It´s a good thing... I´ve a lot of bills.. but I extremaly happy and scared ! Why I never had my own car before? I dont known, but now I´m 100% sure that it is my time... and opportunity... for be free and drive to everyplaces I want... Today, I still having my pain... An awful headache... I thing that is the tension of this big step... let´s see !! Tomorow I gonna get it at 3pm !  

Magaly is my cute and beautiful friend... I saw her picture (up) today in orkut...  thought... she´s so wonderful in flesh and blood and still wonderful like human being... I was very upset today... because I came to grips with my guy...  It couldnt be a sad day... I went to nice restaurants... and I bought my first car... or better... I tried.. let´s see if the bank say yes for the maintain!! I sure they´ll confirm my support... Cause, we need it more than ever... So, I just remembered that exists really nice people in world like Magaly and Andrea - friends that I never will forget... and make me strong... There nice things in earth !

Today I told to Andrea that she couldnt be sad... that we must to look for another sky-lines... so I´ve to follow my own advice and try to undersand joy my moments in a good way... and try not to make it in my own way... nothing in world works like you imagine.. we really have to fight and be patient... avoid quarrel and appreciate our conquests... I dont known what happen... I´m a horrible human being who really want to self-devastate me...

I believe everyone has his problems... also Madonna.. but she´s a still being a famous singer cause she shows a life in her songs that there always our own way to change things... married or not, happy or sad... she´s working and she´s doing her easygoing lyrics for make someone have fun... She´s her own family, her husband her dollar billions... but she doesnt stop... she doesnt live her past and her sorrows... Be a Madonna fan is just like a religion where you learn something practical in her "up" and "dont be blue" songs... For someone it´s a silly faggot freak fanatic thing... but I can say to you... we just need this kind of thing to life better... just like Christimas... The pain is hard today... I´m sad but I have to live... I have to grown up... living fully my ordinary life !