THE CHAINS ARE BROKEN... TOM FORD (above), PLEASE, ALSO POLISH MY ASS FOR MY NEW STAGE... Yeah... felling a terrible pain today again! Is there something heavy in my shoulders that is so hard that I can´t breath easily... but I´m really proud of myself. Today I didn´t do something that I usually do very often... Look for the friends who already have their own lifes... If I was a character in a horror novel in University definitely I would be the clown of the group who usually was stab in the first hour... But now... I changed... I´ve growned up... I understood finaly that we´ve to move on...  to live this moment, this second... just right now... Why we´re just looking for the future? THE FUTURE IS NOW !!! Why we intend repeat good things from the past? Looking for good feelings who already finish... I dont want go to a place where I can be hurt by another people who dont care about words who really cut your soul just like a knife...  We´re alone... die alone, sleep and wake up alone... so why I search for love confirmations? Can I say YOU MUST LOVE ME? Can I say YOU HAVE TO REALLY CARE ABOUT ME ? Can I say PLEASE BE A GOD DADDY TO ME? I just can say something: I just believe in somethings in life... one of them is: I LOVE THIS SECOND... AND I ALREADY HAPPY FOR THIS SECOND... FUTURE DOESNT EXISTS... PLEASURE AND HAPPINESS ARE INCONSTANT. I prefer stay in home, listen some music... and watch more series on TV... it´s much better...

A few days ago, I´ve seen A history of violence, a David Cronenberg´movie. Cronenberg directed one of my favourite movies: CRASH a bizarre novel erotic-automobile... and whose more impressive oeuvre includes as THE DEAD ZONE, THE FLY, DEAD RINGERS, M. BUTTERFLY...  This movie is really interesting because shows how the human being can awake in a sudden situation... and how we can change and how this changing is necessary for an ordinary life that you can suport...

I´m really glad for this 47 y old mother changing again for a good service in our society... I´ve been touch again for the most important feeling:  We can do everything in every age and time that we are living... wedded or not !!!  In every situation you can change your clothes, your stylist, your view about the life and people... God, I´m thankful for this kind of diva woman who really gives to the guys a shot of happiness and pride. It´s not a simple queer thing... it´s really adhere everyone in a funny circle of dancing pop-old-formula in a danceclub that could be a kind of church of non-prejudice. 

Today I was really upset because our neighbours are complaining about our 3 dogs... They are so cute and cleans... the people really envy this kind of thing... why? cause they want have it and they cant... Thanks god we´re moving to our dream´s house !!!

Energy is coming back to my vein... Today I not feeling the pain... after all  Time goes by so slowly for those who wait... No time to hesitate... Those who run seem to have all the fun !

Pain... i just feel a crazy pain every day... in all over my body.. specially in my neck... and I just want sleep all the time... sometimes I ´ve some energy for doing things and sometimes not... It´s really amazing because since I was a little kid this pain and this desire to be sleepy was present all the time... just sex, funny things, movies, TV Series... make me forget it. I believe everyone has this kind of pain... but if you work hard, for a lot of hours per day... you have to forget it, because you need a paycheck... sometimes this pain comes very hard and you´re not expecting... your body just stop !!! Everybody has this pain... I sure !

I wake up with my dogs... In this days... I just want go to the bed early than ever in my life... I think it´s the better time in 24hs life´s day... I can say that I have good dreams recently, because all my dogs usually sleep with us in the bed... This kind of feelings and care emotions are completely fill up with animals... they are so cute... but there also a lot of troubles and cash spend... But they are a kind of cure for bad feelings that we´ve  with this cruel society... When I see the dogs I grateful about this God creations... Its just like a miracle every day... a being who has life, sleep, eat and bark in your head... because they´re really alive and they dont have nothing to do, just to be your life fellow.

Today, I´m very sad... I sure it´s the medicine... its really awful sometimes... comparing my life like a kind of prision... Am I living a real life? Have I to live like that?  Hate me for stay in a place for a long time... Is there really a real hapiness in our soul ? Maybe, If I had to stay out for a long time in different places all the time I was complaining and wishing for stay in a unique place for a long time... Happiness doesnt exists because the human being wasn´t create for a complete happiness... all the time... something will still missing... something comes bored... people who you cant count on...

I´m gonna to lay in the living-room floor... maybe this pain stop for a while !